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In today’s world, everyone has a cell phone.  People use them on a daily basis to text friends, answer emails, update everyone on Facebook that they’re having a bad day and sometimes even for actually calling someone.  You probably know that your clothes, hairstyle, choice of transportation and job all make statements that affect how a woman sees you.  However, there is something that a lot of guys aren’t paying attention to that women are.  Your cell phone.  It may sound silly, but a cell phone actually tells us lot about your dateability….  Like if you have any.  Here are 9 things your cell phone tells us that you probably have never even thought twice about, but should.

Hands Free

Let’s face it, we’ve all been the victim of a situation like this:  Someone is looking your direction and you think they’re talking to you when they say, “Hey”.  So you say something back… only to see the headphone and realize they’re calling another person and you wind up feeling like a jackass.  Rest assured;  you are definitely not the jackass in this scenario.  These guys also usually refer to themselves in the third person or talk about how wasted they were the night before for everyone within earshot .   Both of which are major red flags to us.   So unless you work at Old Navy ( Which probably isn’t going to get you any either. ), keep the use of your hands free ear devices in your car or at home.  Alone.  Hands free in public is for douche bags.

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Phone Bling

Glitter ?  Really?  Okay, I know it’s tempting to bedazzle your phone with your name or favorite football team but think about it…. This ranks up there with carrying a ‘man bag’ or ordering white zinfandel at the bar.  Not manly.  Also, let’s talk about color….  Thinking about getting a neon green cover for your phone?  Don’t .  Black is always the answer.  If you feel the need to express yourself creatively, take up painting or drawing.  And just a side note, she most definitely will not dig your black light as much as you do.

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Your Screensaver

While it’s probably best to leave the backdrop on your phone blank, there are a few exceptions.  A cute picture of you with your niece or a picture of your Rottweiler is okay.  Even a cool landscape shot or architectural photo is acceptable.   A picture of you with your miniature schnauzer wearing an elf costume last year is not.  You think it says you’re sweet and sensitive, we think it says you’re a mama’s boy who still lives in the basement.    Also pictures of you with an ex or any picture of a girl, period, should be avoided.  And it should just be universal knowledge that a self portrait while you’re flexing in the bathroom and making a Zoolander face is not okay.  You don’t look cool or buff; you look like an asshat.

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Choice of Ringtone

Ringtones are another thing usually better left alone.  The right or wrong song can say so much about you.  My advice is to choose a regular old ring that’s already on your phone.  However, if you must have a song play whenever someone is calling, choose wisely.  Classic rock or old school rap are best.  But there’s such a fine line between the songs that make you look cool and the ones that make you look like an idiot.  Lynyrd Skynyrd  and AC/DC are pretty safe bets.  A song by Kesha or Bad Company’s “I Feel Like Makin’ Love” pretty much guarantees you’re going home solo.  While anything by Eminem is just going to make you seem angry and mean.  Though it’s tempting, avoid seasonal songs at all cost.  If you really have the time to think about what time of year it is and you change your ringtone accordingly, we assume that you wear Christmas sweaters and dress up your cats.

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Belt Clipping

Just don’t.  It’s never okay.

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The Old School Phone

Ring, ring.  “Hi, it’s 2003 calling.  Can we have our phone back? “  You do realize that pretty much every phone company gives you a free upgrade every two years, right?  So get one.  Holding on to an old phone doesn’t make you look retro and hip, it makes you look out of touch.  Worse?  I know this is harsh, but it can make you look like you can’t afford to take us out…  Unless you’re at a costume party as Zach Morris…  that’s kind of hot.

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Foreign Language Settings

This one is rare, but I’ve seen it and will address it.  Setting your phone to display in a foreign language doesn’t show us that you’re worldly and educated, it makes you look like a tool.  These guys take extra measures to seem well traveled and cultural.  They say cheesy things like ‘Ciao, Bella’, greet every woman with double kisses on the cheek and leave their international calling cards in plain sight in a failed attempt to get girls.  While it’s impressive to be able to read and speak Italian or French, unless you’re actually from Italy or France; leave it alone.

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The Gamer

If you’re constantly playing games on your cell phone, you just seem nerdy.  We know games are fun time wasters and can appreciate that as much as anyone.  Like when we’re waiting at the doctor’s office or stuck in a boring company meeting.  But sitting at a corner booth of a bar playing games on your phone screams socially inept loser who considers playing Dungeons and Dragons an exciting Friday night.

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No Cell Phone

There are generally two categories of guys who resist cell phones.  The flannel shirt, Birkenstocks with wool socks wearing, makes his own furniture and doesn’t believe in television tree hugging hippy.  And the “ I’m cooler than everyone else” guy.   Unless you’re under the age of 12 or over the age of 70, there’s really just not a good reason to not have a cell phone.

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